Supporting Grief and Loss

Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply human. Whether someone is grieving the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, a relationship breakdown, or any other major life loss, what they often need most is presence—not solutions.

As someone who cares, you may want to help “fix” it. But the truth is, grief isn’t something you fix—it’s something you sit with.

At Your Story Counselling, we provide evidence-based, compassionate grief and loss counselling that supports individuals. This guide is here to help you better understand what grief looks like and how to offer meaningful support without overstepping or withdrawing.

What is Grief and Loss?

Grief and loss aren’t just emotional reactions to death. They can occur after any significant change or absence, including:

• Loss of a partner or child

• Miscarriage or infertility

• Divorce or relationship separation

• Losing a job, identity, or home

• Health decline or diagnosis

• Loss of a pet or significant companion

  
  

Grief can affect people physically, emotionally, and mentally. It doesn’t follow a set path, and no two people grieve the same way.

Unhelpful Ways We Try to Support (And What to Do Instead)

Sometimes, in trying to help, we unknowingly do harm. Here are common roles people fall into when trying to support someone in grief—and better alternatives.

The Magician: “I’ll fix it”

You try to solve their pain with advice, clichés, or action. But grief doesn’t need fixing—it needs holding.

What to do instead: Be present. Let them cry. Let them be messy. Don’t rush them through their pain. Just sit with them.

The Thief: “Let me tell you my story”

You turn the conversation to your own loss—accidentally making it a comparison or competition.

What to do instead: Centre their story. Ask open, compassionate questions like:

• “What does this loss mean to you?”

• “What do you miss most?”

• “What did this person represent in your life?”

  
  

The Blind Optimist: “At least…”

You search for the silver lining before acknowledging their pain.

What to do instead: Sit with the darkness first. Validate their pain before ever pointing to light.

The Helicopter: “This is our pain now”

Often seen in parents, this is when we become consumed by their grief and take it on as our own.

What to do instead: Stay emotionally anchored. Be strong by being calm. Let the grief stay theirs, and be a steady support beside them.

The Ostrich: “Let’s not go there”

You avoid the topic, fill silence with chatter, or change the subject because it’s awkward.

What to do instead: Do less. Say little. Let the person cry. Let them grieve fully. Silence is not failure—it’s sacred space.

The Most Helpful Things You Can Say

You don’t need the right words—you need real ones. Some of the most healing things you can say include:

• “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”

• “I’m not going anywhere.”

• “Do you want to talk about them?”

• “What do you miss the most?”

• “What was important about this person to you?”

These questions invite meaning-making, which is essential for processing grief and loss.

Why Grief and Loss Counselling Can Help

Sometimes, grief becomes too heavy to carry alone. Grief and loss counselling provides a safe, non-judgemental space to explore emotions, memories, and meaning. It helps people navigate the chaos and come to terms with life after loss—without rushing the process.

At Your Story Counselling, we provide support for all forms of grief, including:

• Bereavement and death-related grief

• Miscarriage, infertility and pregnancy loss

• Complex grief and unresolved emotions

  
  

Final Thoughts

Grief asks us to be brave, not with words, but with presence. If you’re supporting someone through grief and loss, don’t worry about getting it right. Just stay. Let them feel heard. Let them feel held.